Today, I decided to try something new and not write about writing...except for this sentence. Okay, I'll try not to write about writing. Instead, I want to talk about the ever encroaching problem of bullying.
Sure, the schools, here in Ontario, have an anti-bullying policy, but it seems like its nothing more than fancy words on paper. I think schools should be vigilant on what goes on within the school property, but the heavy of the problem should be put on the parents. School isn't a babysitter but a institution for learning and yes social interaction that have certain boundaries. However, parents should be aware of what their child or children are being subjected to at school.
Let's face it kids can be mean little buggers. Why? That's easy, they react to influence and emotions too easily. What I mean by this is that children are sponges, they see, hear and feel everything around them. They are immersed in the positive and the negative. And sometimes it seems the negative has a bigger impact because children and people react to pain and hurt faster than a comfy hug. No one likes negativity and in general, either they lash out, bullying, or withdraw, the bullied. It's a nasty vicious circle.
So, what do we do?
I think the first instinct of a parent is to fight the bully, or the bully's parents. I'm a single mother, so I'm a definite Mama Bear. However, when my daughter was being bullied at school, which started in Grade 3 I talked to her about it. Part of me wanted to rush in guns blazing and baseball bat swinging...kidding, but you get where I'm coming from. Instead, I informed the teacher of what was happening to let her know I was aware that there was a problem. I didn't tell the teacher to fix it. It's really not her job. Her job is to make sure my child is in a safe learning environment.
It was my job as a parent to teach my child about bullying. So, what did I do?
I talked with my daughter, to expose what was happening to her, regardless of how painful it was for her to be teased, ignored, laughed at and so forth. She was never physically hurt, like being shoved but that is a moot point. Words hurt! Being ignored hurt! As I listened, the angry ball in my chest crumbled to ashes when sadness entered by heart. Not for my daughter, though, for those children given into negative emotions that have been to attached to their lives.
I decided I had to raise my daughter to stand proud on her two feet and roar like the lioness she could be. I didn't fight her battles. I gave her the tools to fill her world with self-confidence and self-worth. It wasn't easy, not for a seven year old who was eager to play with kids, but shutdown by a certain group influencing the playground. Like really?
How can a small group control so much or was that what my daughter perceived when the "popular" girls ignored her or were just catty eager to ridicule? Then it dawned on me. My daughter is super pretty, but is clueless of how pretty she is. I always focused on her keen wit and unique personality and saw beyond the good looks. Looks will only get her so far and I made sure she understood that. I wanted her to build character, and resolve. Perhaps that was what these girls were trying to tear down, my daughter's potential of being amazing human being on top of her pretty looks.
Now, I had the tools to teach my daughter to be proud of her uniqueness. To stand tall and be aware of the incredible person she is and can be. To focus on her strengths and improve her weaknesses and know each time this one particular girl got nasty to see what was truly being presented. Insecurity.
Once my daughter focused on her amazing self and fed her uniqueness she was able to point blank tell the bully to back off and to shut up. I bounced when she told me what she did that day! She took that first step into confidence all by herself. And I knew no matter what the world decided to put in front of her, person or situation she was going to handle it with confidence. A confident child, a child with self-worth will beat down every scary and spiteful person they will meet. And they will meet them.
As to the mean girl that bullied my daughter. She didn't like the fact that she was losing her power, the more my daughter ignored her antics throughout grade school. My daughter found amazing friends that she still has today. And she put the insecure troublemaker and thorn in her side in her place. Now, I don't condone violence but this girl had to see the looming brick wall for the wall. It was a wake up call.
Elementary school ends in Ontario in grade eight, high school starts in grade nine. So, on the second last day of school my daughter went up to the mean girl, who was still mean to my kid, but it didn't matter by then, and my daughter took her to the side and had a conversation. It basically was something like this, my daughter was tired of her bullying to the point of being bored with the whole mess. My kid said that she was saving the last day of Elementary school just after the last bell to meet the bully off school property to beat the crap out of her for all the wrong she did to my daughter and the other kids that were bullied by the little pipsqueak blonde.
Let's just say that the last day of school this particular mean girl didn't have a chance to say goodbye to her gang of friends. She immediately went to the bus and took her seat. Of course, my daughter wasn't going to hurt the bully, but it sure drilled the possible threat home in the girl's mind. I guess she didn't like the fact that there are consequences for terrible behaviour.
They had high school together, but the meany stayed away from my daughter, and so did everyone who wanted to bully my kid being the new batch grade niners. She stood up to anyone who crossed the line. To this day, her friends from elementary school and high school still talk about my daughter being a ball buster who took no crap and championed those who needed a hand to pick themselves up and dust them off.
The point of this blog about bullying, parents need to set an example and give what their kid or kids need when they are bullied. Give them the means to build a unique and vibrant personality and the confidence to show the world how awesome they truly are as a person. Bullies win when our children feel less than the wonderful potential they have to give to the world. Most importantly, teaching our children to be confident and powerful also teaches potential bullies not to become one.
Helping your child with bullying starts with a warm hug and the willingness to really listen. From there it's building a foundation of your child embracing their uniqueness and perceiving the world not in shadow and ridicule but sunshine and possibilities. Not too many things grow in the shadow, but watch out when the sun shines on a carefully tilled unique garden.
Take care.
Sure, the schools, here in Ontario, have an anti-bullying policy, but it seems like its nothing more than fancy words on paper. I think schools should be vigilant on what goes on within the school property, but the heavy of the problem should be put on the parents. School isn't a babysitter but a institution for learning and yes social interaction that have certain boundaries. However, parents should be aware of what their child or children are being subjected to at school.
Let's face it kids can be mean little buggers. Why? That's easy, they react to influence and emotions too easily. What I mean by this is that children are sponges, they see, hear and feel everything around them. They are immersed in the positive and the negative. And sometimes it seems the negative has a bigger impact because children and people react to pain and hurt faster than a comfy hug. No one likes negativity and in general, either they lash out, bullying, or withdraw, the bullied. It's a nasty vicious circle.
So, what do we do?
I think the first instinct of a parent is to fight the bully, or the bully's parents. I'm a single mother, so I'm a definite Mama Bear. However, when my daughter was being bullied at school, which started in Grade 3 I talked to her about it. Part of me wanted to rush in guns blazing and baseball bat swinging...kidding, but you get where I'm coming from. Instead, I informed the teacher of what was happening to let her know I was aware that there was a problem. I didn't tell the teacher to fix it. It's really not her job. Her job is to make sure my child is in a safe learning environment.
It was my job as a parent to teach my child about bullying. So, what did I do?
I talked with my daughter, to expose what was happening to her, regardless of how painful it was for her to be teased, ignored, laughed at and so forth. She was never physically hurt, like being shoved but that is a moot point. Words hurt! Being ignored hurt! As I listened, the angry ball in my chest crumbled to ashes when sadness entered by heart. Not for my daughter, though, for those children given into negative emotions that have been to attached to their lives.
I decided I had to raise my daughter to stand proud on her two feet and roar like the lioness she could be. I didn't fight her battles. I gave her the tools to fill her world with self-confidence and self-worth. It wasn't easy, not for a seven year old who was eager to play with kids, but shutdown by a certain group influencing the playground. Like really?
How can a small group control so much or was that what my daughter perceived when the "popular" girls ignored her or were just catty eager to ridicule? Then it dawned on me. My daughter is super pretty, but is clueless of how pretty she is. I always focused on her keen wit and unique personality and saw beyond the good looks. Looks will only get her so far and I made sure she understood that. I wanted her to build character, and resolve. Perhaps that was what these girls were trying to tear down, my daughter's potential of being amazing human being on top of her pretty looks.
Now, I had the tools to teach my daughter to be proud of her uniqueness. To stand tall and be aware of the incredible person she is and can be. To focus on her strengths and improve her weaknesses and know each time this one particular girl got nasty to see what was truly being presented. Insecurity.
Once my daughter focused on her amazing self and fed her uniqueness she was able to point blank tell the bully to back off and to shut up. I bounced when she told me what she did that day! She took that first step into confidence all by herself. And I knew no matter what the world decided to put in front of her, person or situation she was going to handle it with confidence. A confident child, a child with self-worth will beat down every scary and spiteful person they will meet. And they will meet them.
As to the mean girl that bullied my daughter. She didn't like the fact that she was losing her power, the more my daughter ignored her antics throughout grade school. My daughter found amazing friends that she still has today. And she put the insecure troublemaker and thorn in her side in her place. Now, I don't condone violence but this girl had to see the looming brick wall for the wall. It was a wake up call.
Elementary school ends in Ontario in grade eight, high school starts in grade nine. So, on the second last day of school my daughter went up to the mean girl, who was still mean to my kid, but it didn't matter by then, and my daughter took her to the side and had a conversation. It basically was something like this, my daughter was tired of her bullying to the point of being bored with the whole mess. My kid said that she was saving the last day of Elementary school just after the last bell to meet the bully off school property to beat the crap out of her for all the wrong she did to my daughter and the other kids that were bullied by the little pipsqueak blonde.
Let's just say that the last day of school this particular mean girl didn't have a chance to say goodbye to her gang of friends. She immediately went to the bus and took her seat. Of course, my daughter wasn't going to hurt the bully, but it sure drilled the possible threat home in the girl's mind. I guess she didn't like the fact that there are consequences for terrible behaviour.
They had high school together, but the meany stayed away from my daughter, and so did everyone who wanted to bully my kid being the new batch grade niners. She stood up to anyone who crossed the line. To this day, her friends from elementary school and high school still talk about my daughter being a ball buster who took no crap and championed those who needed a hand to pick themselves up and dust them off.
The point of this blog about bullying, parents need to set an example and give what their kid or kids need when they are bullied. Give them the means to build a unique and vibrant personality and the confidence to show the world how awesome they truly are as a person. Bullies win when our children feel less than the wonderful potential they have to give to the world. Most importantly, teaching our children to be confident and powerful also teaches potential bullies not to become one.
Helping your child with bullying starts with a warm hug and the willingness to really listen. From there it's building a foundation of your child embracing their uniqueness and perceiving the world not in shadow and ridicule but sunshine and possibilities. Not too many things grow in the shadow, but watch out when the sun shines on a carefully tilled unique garden.
Take care.
No comments:
Post a Comment