In this moment, I sit at my computer and type words that I wish to share. And in the moment, I wonder why? I'm a solitary person. Of course I have friends and loving family, but I mostly keep to myself. But the older I get, I see fewer steps ahead and it is terrifying. And in this moment, I wonder if there is enough time to get my Life to where I want it to go.
People say that there is time for everything we want in Life. We just need to go out and get it. Sure, advice is easy to give, but following it has many obstacles to overcome. Like fear, procrastination, doubt, and all the rest. I'm reading a book about finding my courage and the previous blog had a quote that made sense. From there I took a chance and wrote an email to a favourite author and got a reply back a week later.
To say I was ecstatic is putting it mildly. Out of all those that said way to go in the past, this one email tipped my world. I appreciate all that anyone who has ever said, good job, or even wow that was crap. Crazy? Maybe, but only because someone took the time and said something back. And the point to all this is that I am facing my fear, my procrastination, and self-doubt. Perhaps, sharing this to the few who read my blog will jeopardize how you perceive me. Of course everyone wants to be seen as confident, powerful, successful and happy.
Well, I do too. Writing makes me happy. Writing makes me feel confident and successful. Inside my mind I have worlds shaping, reshaping and clawing to get out and shared with the world. It takes time. Ah, that word again. It is a blessing and a curse. Funny thing is, as an author, and I know I am one now deep inside my heart, I am incredibly impatient. Yeah, go figure, since the whole process is slow, time consuming and solitary! But when I am in the zone, hours flash by and when I finally resurface, I am so surprised that the day is gone.
So, in the moment, this moment I open myself to those who have peeked at my blog and possibly took an interest for a short time. But I hope I can build more than an interest. I am not a movie star, famous, have loads of money and beyond beautiful. No, I am just me. Someone like everyone else who wants to make a connection. So I write and post and write some more. Hoping for that connection. I know it takes time. But time will not slow down for me to get my head set straight or the novels inside my head written and published.
I know my style isn't for everyone. But I figure 6 billion people out there, some will take heart and enjoy my stories. I know The Lucy Ward Adventures are erotica based. And they are my stepping stone to the erotic fiction I enjoy writing. I love romance even though I am single. And the Happily Ever After is possibly everyone's dream, like my own.
I'm learning. I'm learning my trade in front of the World...Wow, I just realised that, right this second. Talk about dense!
The World has a chance to witness my self-discovery. Witness my failures and my successes, cheer me or boo me. Whatever I write in my blog for any to see, is my courage, my success, my empowerment and my vulnerability.
An author isn't just someone who gets published by a company and get paid for it. An author is vulnerable, powerful, giving and sacrificing time, effort, family and friends to tell a story or write a blog to connect and share thoughts, and emotions. And the really great authors are the ones that get published and paid for their hard work.
My stepping stone is small, in the vastness of what is out there. But it is my small stone that I wobble and sway on that I take the leap. I can only hope that I am caught. It doesn't mean I don't have worries or doubts even that horrible word fear, but being human means that I have to work through them.
So, in this moment I end this blog with a hello, I'm Jorja Kish, pleased to meet you. I hope we can chat and get to know each other. I am not perfect nor do I want to be. I just want share what is inside of me. It may come out in a story or a simple letter, but it is from the heart.
If anything made sense or clicked with you, please drop a comment and share. I would love to hear from you.